COLUMN NINETY-SIX, SEPTEMBER 1, 2003
(Copyright © 2003 The Blacklisted Journalist)
EIGHT OF MY MEMOIRS:
SADIE THE PSYCHIC
(Drawing by Ed Galing)
WARNING! FOR ADULTS ONLY! PERSONS NOT YET 18 YEARS OF AGE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS STORY.
[SADIE HATHAWAY AND I HAVE HAD A LONG RELATIONSHIP. I AM.HAPPY THAT SHE CHOSE ME TO WRITE HER MEMOIRS FOR HER... I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED SADIE'S SASSINESS AND SPUNK AND, BESIDES, SHE IS A SEXY LADY, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOW SIXTY YEARS OLD. (I AM PUSHING 85) AND SADIE DOES NOT MINCE HER WORDS, AS YOU CAN SEE WHEN YOU READ HER MEMOIRS---WHICH SHE DICTATED TO ME OVER A FEW WEEKS. I HAVE LEFT HER WORDS UNTOUCHED---EVEN THE BAWDY ONES. FOR I DONíT REALLY WANT TO DISTURB HER PERSONALITY. BENEATH IT ALL, YOU WILL FIND SADIE A SYMPATHETIC AND HONEST LADY WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE A PSYCHIC (SO SHE SAYS) AND WHO WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO MEET SOME REAL HOLLYWOOD PERSONALITIES OF HER TIME.. THERE ISNT A BAD BONE IN HER BODY. LONG LIVE SADIE! ---ED GALING, POET LAUREATE OF HATBORO, PENNSYLVANIA]
if you've been sticking around this long to find out what happened to your friend sadie, the psychic of new hope, p.a., that old lady, now way past 65, i am glad... as you know, i no longer live in hollywood... that is all in the past, when i was a young chick, rubbin shoulders with movie stars, old and young, and in between tellin fortunes to my friends; contacting my mom and dad a lot on the crystal ball; confiding all my secrets to them; and also telling my uncle lots of stuff ... my uncle was so damn busy running this large mansion that my parents had left me (and which i really didnt want)... i had no use for it... i was the kinda girl who allus looked for adventure... laughin a lot, like phyllis diller...
in fact, i did meet her a long time ago, and if you know anything about bhyllis diller you know she usta wear all kinds of crazy outfits, and had that crazy laugh of hers, like hawr. hawr, hawr, that drove you nuts... a long time ago phyllis diller was making some stupid movies with bob hope, who at that time was so fucking stuck up, that he wouldnt talk to you unless you were able to do something for him... i like bob, god bless him... he is still around at almost hundred years, but once when i met him on the set of one of his stupid movies, where he played with dorothy lamour, he looked me up and down and said, you know, sadie, you oughta do something about the way
grab ass in the pool
with Jayne Mansfield
you look... what the hell is wrong with the way i look? i
asked him ... and he gave me that little stare and sniff, and said, you look
like some damn hooker on the lam... and i dont know why the hell they need you
on my movie anyways. i can handle it without you... i think this is the first
time bob hope heard the word fuck you, but he sure heard it from me... later i
told phyllis about it, and she laughed, and said, damn, sadie, you are a gal
after my own heart... you are a nice kid ... you oughta stop this psychic
business and get into the movies... you got the nicest tits i ever seed..
thanks, phyllis, i told her, but i have a gift and i have to use it... i
promised my mother and father...
one time i met up with jayne Mansfield... she was a
beautiful blonde dish with the largest tits i ever seed on any girl her age...
she also had the kind of ass that couldnt be held back... she was one gorgeous
hunk of girl... if i had been lesbian i woulda had her in bed in no time...
jayne got married to this guy mickey hargitay, who had big bulging muscles, and
they had a little kid... and lived in a nice house, with a heart shaped
swimming pool... looked like a heart... one time jayne invited me over to swim
in her pool... dont laugh... i was nice in those days... and when i put on my
bathing suit jayne looked at me and whistled,'sadie, she said, you really got a
nice set of boobs... almost as nice as mine... i looked at her and shook my
head... no way, jayne, i laughed, youíre a powerhouse... i am just average...
jayne laughed and pushed me, and i fell into the pool, and then she jumped in
with me, and we played grab ass under the water... oh, what the heck, i told you
i would tell you everything... it was a shame later on when jayne got into an
auto accident, and was almost decapitated... poor jayne! such a lovely dish...
what a great body.... she looked a lot like marilyn monroe and jane russell...
when marilyn was just startin out in the movies she
came to me for a fortune, and i told her she would be the sex goddess of the
generation.. she spoke in a low voice, and was a real nice girl... she had heard
about me from the other movie stars...
as it turned out, you know she became a real sex
goddess later on ... as for jane russell, once again jane was a tall brunette,
with the biggest tits i ever saw ... why do i always get back to tits, anyway? i
dont know.. but it seems all the time the tits get in the way, dont they"...
jane russell was discovered by howard hawks, the tall, dour lookin son of a
bitch, who wanted her to play in a movie called the outlaw... and they
made a poster of her, with that big bosom of hers showin up... man, the picture
was not much of a hit, but it made a star out of jane...
and she had plenty of talent too... all these pretty ladies of my past..
all gone into my memory, folks...
if vou wanta ask me about elvis preseley, all i can
tell you that i seen him only once, making a movie and singing and dancin and
makin love to all his girl friends... he was about my age then, tall, dark,
shaking them damn hips and jutting out his front end, like he was ready to put
the prong on his women, and you oughtta heard the women screamin... hell, i
gotta admit it, if elvis had wanted to put me into his bed, little ole sadie
would have been there in a minute... i still wonder how big his tool was... come
on, dont you think we women wonder about those things? sure we do... you gotta
have the tool to do the works i allus say... me,
sadie... anyway, elvis is now gone, taking his shit on the toilet when he
keeled over... but what a life that boy did have... god rest his soul...
now, with hedda hopper going to give me a million
bucks, if i taped all these people at my fancy ball, i went to work, advertisin
in the daily variety, asking the stars to submit their desire if they wanted to
attend my party ... when i told my uncle that i wanted to have a fancy
masquerade party of movie stars in my home, he kinda balked a bit...but when i
told him hedda hopper was paying for it, he gave in... after all... it was gonna
be a big event... imagine, all these people in sadies house...
so invitations were sent out, plans were made, and like a fuckin fool, i went ahead with what turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life... ##
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