SECTION TWO

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COLUMN TWENTY, APRIL 1, 1997
(Copyright 1997 The Blacklisted Journalist)

ON AGING

[The following two poems were sent to me, the first by Email from an old Rutgers classmate, Marvin Cohan, and the second by snail mail from a beautiful woman I adore, Melinda Knighton. These poems are like jokes passed around for a laugh. No one has been able to tell me the names of the authors, but to me these poems are more than jokes. They give you kids an idea of what you have to look forward to if you get to be as old as I am. But don't despair! Consider the alternative.

A LITTLE MIXED UP

Just a line to say I'm living
That I'm not among the dead
Tho' I'm getting more forgetful
And I'm mixed up in the head

It's my turn to write you
(Or did I write before?)
I think I owe the letter
I'd hate to be a bore.

I'm used to my bifocals
And the dentures fit me fine
My hearing aid is perfect
But oh, how I miss my mind.

I stand before the fridge at times
My poor head filled with doubt
Have I come to put some food away
Or come to take some out?

Sometimes I can't remember
At the bottom of the stair,
If I must go up for something
Or I've just come down from there!

There are times when it is dark out,
And with a nightcap on my head
I ask, "Am I retiring,
Or just getting up from bed?"

So remember that I love you
And wish that you were here
But now it's nearly mail time
I must say Goodbye, my dear.

I'm standing by the mailbox
With a face so very red,
I didn't mail your letter,
I've opened it instead! ##

* * *


RETIREMENT

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout
Time was when of its own accord
From my trousers it would spring!
But now I have a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave!
As old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its withered head
And watch me tie my shoes. ##

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